hooray.

finally got the computer replaced.
so the past few weeks have had their highlights;

got in trouble at college for getting a U in my photography written mock after going to the exam higher than the empire state building on stilts.
I under achieved in all my mocks except for english. tbh I dont give a shit. it's only the mocks for fucks sake

last week there was a party at lucy's as there is every half term lol. this was far from any of my finest moments as I was a complete fucking slut and I hate myself for all that happened. basically, me and hannah scored some coke and a hefty amount of booze for the actual party. we powdered up before arrival and then we drank all our drink + more from people being generous. I'm not entirely sure how, but I somehow managed to end up in lucy's parents room with rachel. we were just chatting and stuff.. or should I say I was chatting and I couldn't shut up due to being coked up and drunk off my tits. then the weirdest thing happened. we started laughing about someone (can't remember who) and we kindve started hugging in hysterics which soon turned into kissing. lasted about 5 minutes and I took her tights off and while we were kissing I was rubbing her knickers, which were moist. she started moaning but really unexpectedly pulled away with "sorry this is really weird for me" so she walked out the door after telling me not to tell anyone. it gets a lot worse. I was crying on the bed by myself when some boy lucy knows from primary school walked in and started comforting me. he seemed really nice and harmless... then he started kissing me. I was mega drunk and still pretty horny so I wasn't stopping him.. suddenly he got his cock out and I was pretty surprised. I didn't want to embarras him because he seemed nice, but I didn't really want to fuck him, so I wanked him off making a mess on the bed.
such a filthy slut when I'm drunk and it really makes me hate myself. wish I didn't enjoy sex at all cos then I could be normal. since then though, the closest I've got to talking to rachel again is a few awkward eye contacts made. I can't stop thinking about her though.. it's awful.

:(